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My Parent's Keeper: Adult Children of the Emotionally Ill, by Eva Brown
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Eva Marian Brown, LCSW, is a psychotherapist practicing in Oakland, CA. In her general practice she provides individuals, couples, ...
- Sales Rank: #420071 in Books
- Published on: 1989-10-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .34" w x 5.50" l, .46 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 131 pages
Review
From the Author
It is my hope that Adult Children of the Mentally Ill (ACMIs) will find this book a source of support and encouragement when dealing with the inevitable wounds resulting from growing up in a dysfunctional family. My intent is to provide you with some tools for tackling your issues on your own. I don't however, intend to imply that in all instances deep-seated hurts can be satisfactorily healed with these methods. While this book will help you identify important themes in your life, some of you will find that you'll want or need some professional guidance. A dialogue with a therapist can offer support for a deeper exploration and understanding of your history, emotions, and current patterns of behavior.
From the Back Cover
This book is a comforting and supportive guide to recognizing and changing the limiting childhood patterns you've carried into your adult relationships. You'll be able to recognize yourself in the rich and revealing quotes the author has included from many hours of interviews with people who grew up with a disturbed parent.
Most helpful customer reviews
25 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
I wondered why I felt like a visitor to planet Earth
By Cindy Board
I am now 54. For the last 40+ years I have felt I have never ‘belonged’. I felt like a ‘visitor’ to this world. Since my late teens I knew something wasn’t right. That started years of on-again/off-again counselling.
Never having been able to have any close (intimate) relationships and always using my work as an excuse I didn’t marry until my mid-30s. In hindsight I wanted to have a family of my own, to be a great mother and wife.
I knew somewhere in my heart I would not be like my mother. That’s all I knew!
My marriage turned out to be one of psychological and verbal abuse (unrecognised at the time as domestic violence). When I finally left, my mother sold her house to enable me to buy in with her to provide a home for me and my children. Little did I know then, I made a deal with the devil.
My ex-husband was awarded custody of our children and during the last five years of trying desperately to protect them from him, I educated myself and had counselling - and was on my way to healing.
In my quest for further information for a friend, I came across My Parent’s Keeper - I ordered it, and read it and finally all the pieces were put together.
My daughter has had to be a ‘mother/wife’ to her father for the last 4 years. Unfortunately, she is still too young (17 years) to appreciate this book - but it is up there as something she needs to read and recognize.
My life was with a mother who was never there for me emotionally (and still isn’t) - she is a narcissist. My ex-husband is one too but he is an abuser.
This book put all the pieces of the jigsaw of my life together. I believed I was no-one. But I am lucky - I have already done a lot of the work suggested. Now I’m more determined to face my fears.
This book has helped free me and reinforced that I am someone who is worthy and deserves better.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Changed my life
By Amazon Customer
A **great** book.
My journey: This book affected me profoundly. I bought it on whim. From the begining, reading it felt like somebody had written a book about my innermost feelings (that I had never shared nor understood myself). The book opened doors, previously kept closed all my life by my denial. Its accurate description of my complex inner life enabled me to recognize myself and then seek help (out of my comfort zone). Recognizing home truths was upsetting at times. Yet the book gave me strength as it made me realize (i) I can heal & (ii) I am not "crazy." Finally I could "name" my problem- thus it led me to a good therapist who met my needs. (I had sought treatment before - but partly "outsmarted" the therapist to not see the root cause, "protecting" her - typical adult child behavior).
Why do I mention this? Simply because, if the above "rings a bell" and you suspect you are a "parentified child" - then I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
The book is split to two. The first section- the description of the parentified child was most useful to me. The second section deals with practical advice that can be used in a therapeutic environment (my therapist did not take this path though so I cannot vouch for it).
The author is knowledgable and experienced. The writing style is clear and a good range of illustrations are given.
Good luck!
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful to Adult Children of the Emotionally Ill
By Rosie2U
The various needs of adult children of the emotionally ill (as well as of younger such children) are not sufficiently catered to by the self help literature. And typically what is available is insufficient. This book helps fill this need.
The adult children of the mentally ill are people of equal stature to those who did not have to endure these experiences. But equal does not mean the same. These adult children need to be assisted to understand, heal and to cope with the challenges of their adult lives. It is hard for anyone to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. And such assistance needs to deliver.
There is a lot involved in delivering a book that really assists adult children of the mentally ill. Several around are so simplistic that they are suitable only to a very limited audience. This book does rise considerably above such a level and so it can help - to a point. But the point it gets to is helpful. Books that take it further would meet further needs & would find a receptive audience.
Despite my feeling of gratitude to the author for writing a book that is both gentle and understanding and can offer much needed aid, I feel I need to share a concern I have about this book. The author reasonably often overgeneralizes when she details the experiences of these adults. Thus many people will find themselves being told how things were for such children BUT it was not so for them. This can be simply irrelevant and unhelpful for the reader who has reached a reasonable level of wisdom and personal growth and so can take the best and leave the rest with a shrug. And there is a lot of "best" to gain from. But this overgeneralization could be confusing or even destabilizing to a reader who is struggling to a greater degree and strikes this lack of fit between his or her experience and how things supposedly happen. We are talking of an audience with a tendency to feeling that are unworthy and flawed. A lack of validation could be disturbing to the more vulnerable. The ones who have progressed further will simply recognize that the author is being inaccurate at those times.
Nevertheless, the book is worth reading and an adult child of an emotionally ill parent can be assisted by it. And any assistance helps. Relevant assistance is a blessing to these survivors as they can still be struggling and suffering, trying to find their way.
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