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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
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He’s Just Not That Into You—based on a popular episode of Sex and the City—is tough love advice for otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. It’s the best relationship advice you’ll ever receive.
For ages, women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.
He’s afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he’s intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.
Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that—despite good intentions—you’re wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
The truth may be, He’s just not that into you.
Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, “You're not the one.” But their actions absolutely show how they feel.
Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo’s wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean, “I’m in love with you and want to be with you.”
He’s Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman’s night table. It knows you’re a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start “figuring him out,” consider the glorious thought that maybe, He’s just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
- Sales Rank: #14168 in Books
- Brand: Gallery Books
- Published on: 2009-01-06
- Released on: 2009-01-06
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .70" w x 5.50" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Features
From Publishers Weekly
It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From School Library Journal
Adult/High School–With a bright, breezy style, the authors highlight a list of actions that men take to demonstrate that they are "just not into you," using "Dear Greg" letters and replies, unscientific polls of men, lists reviewing the key points in each chapter, a comic glossary, and laugh-out-loud workbook assignments. Although this book is meant for the 20-plus career women who have been dating for a while, the empowering message that a woman deserves a man who truly loves her and not one that she must constantly make excuses for can't be learned too early.–Jane S. Drabkin, Chinn Park Regional Library, Woodbridge, VA
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
'The publishing sensation of the year.' The Daily Telegraph 'A new dating book, HJNTIY, is taking Britain by storm... The book cuts to the core of men's behaviour.' Daily Mail 'Sometimes an idea for a new book is so blindingly obvious that we think we should have written it ourselves. The concept behind He's Just Not That Into You is simple but speaks universal truth about the excuses men come up with to fob off women.' Daily Express 'This book, by the relationship consultants on Sex and the City, will be something of a godsend, as it aims to make life easier for women who want to get past the crappy get-out lines fellas use. It's wickedly hilarious, and it's sure to turn you into a stronger, better-equipped gal!' OK Magazine 'This book should be on every single woman's nightstand!...Six words to change your life forever.' Oprah Winfrey
Most helpful customer reviews
914 of 997 people found the following review helpful.
Overdue and universally applicable
By Michael T. Rognlien
This book really isn't just for women, and it really isn't just about relationships. True, it focuses on empowering women to say "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle" which is a wonderful thing to realize, but it really goes beyond relationships. We are conditioned to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.
The authors have really stumbled on to something good here - what I took away from this book and will continue to remember is that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. Read it and weep, if you must, but then also be glad that - if you apply what you've learned and make it your mantra - it's the last time you will cry over a love or aspiration unrealized.
449 of 509 people found the following review helpful.
Don't bother
By South Asian Book Worm
Most of what the male author of this book states is common sense. E.g. "a cheating man is bad", "If he doesn't call you, ask you out, sleep with you, he isn't into you". However--I hold great contention in how absolute the author in his assessment of men. He presumes all men work the same, and that's just not true.
In the book he gives an example of a girl dating a man who's just come out of a divorce. He's told her that he's not ready to get into a serious relationship right now because he just got out of one--makes complete sense. The author's assessment? "He's just not that into you". Are you kidding me? He says that if a man likes you, he will do what it takes to keep you in his life--he's knows a jewel when he sees one. So are you saying that the fact that he just came out of a broken wedlock couldn't possibly have left him with hesitations about entering into another long term relationship so soon regardless of the girl? Give me a break.
The author also says that if a man wants you, he'll do whatever it takes to get you. I strongly disagree. Take a look at the (male) author of this book, he's a self-proclaimed "bad boy", who we may deduce was probably pretty cocky when it came to dating. I'm guessing (as per the "bad boy stereotypical formula") that he had no problems approaching and pursuing women. The thing is though Mr. Author-man, not all men are created the same.
Some men are shy.
Some men genuinely have baggage.
Some men need a little encouragement because their last few attempts have falled flat.
I agree that the male should do a lot of the pursuing, but I don't think the girl needs to sit back and allow herself to be led at the will of the guy. That's simply ridiculous.
The black and white "If he doesn't do 'x', then he's not into you" is way too simplistic, and it's a mindset that could potential ruin a perfectly good relationship if followed.
I do feel that some women make too many excuses for the way men treat them--and this book should shed light on them. However, I caution them to read with a grain of salt because not all men are of the type the author write about.
I'm suspect when a non-expert writes so-called "expert" books. There's definitely something to be said having formal education training --you understand that humans are complex beings composed of many different experiences, emotions, and opinions that form the way they react in a relationship setting.
My advice (and this is free!): Be yourself, relax, and don't try too hard to get someone to like you. Recognize the common sense warning signs, and never stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy 95% of the time.
680 of 774 people found the following review helpful.
This is so WRONG -- what about shy guys?!?
By Burton Kent
Disclaimer - I've only looked at the first third of this book. What I did look at was ALL WRONG.
The author breezily explains to women that if a guy was interested in you, he would make a move. That's it. Every single time.
I'll let you in on a secret. Most guys are actually terrified of women... or more specifically, terrified of rejection. This is especially true if you have an ongoing relationship (whether a business relationship, same circle of friends, etc.) where he will have to "revisit" his rejection repeatedly.
For some men, asking a woman out is tantamount to a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. It makes them THAT nervous, or even MORE nervous. At least with a proposal, the guy has some idea of what answer to expect.
I used to be like this. Women would literally pull me aside and tell me what a great guy I am. I didn't have confidence in my attractiveness, so I didn't realize they were actually telling me they LIKED me. A LOT. I really did think they were telling me they really dig me as a friend.
As a result -- I never did anything.
(AAAAAAUGGGGHHHHH!!!!)
I don't have this problem anymore. But... I definitely do see this in a lot of guys. Perhaps the world the author lives in is full of confident guys. That's why I give this 2 stars instead of 1... I'm giving him a slight benefit of the doubt.
I'm not done yet though ... here's an added twist...
The more a guy likes you (I'm talking to the women reading this), in some cases he may actually be less likely to ask you out. He values you too much to risk messing things up.
So... this book is WRONG in the majority of cases, in my experience. Buy a flirting book instead, to give him signals so he'll have some degree of confidence he won't be rejected. That's what flirting is for.
My advice -- find out a little bit about his dating experience. If he hasn't had many girlfriends, he's shy. If he HAS had many girlfriends, then MAYBE this book will apply.
---
Followup:
To all those people who disagree with me, I have two things to say. First. I agree with you. Being shy is worthless. I'm very forthright now if I'm into a woman, and it works well for me. If not, moving on.
Second, seems like most people who disagree in comments (and are probably clicking "No" to if this review is helpful) don't like that some guys are shy. Well, no s***, Sherlock. Really, did you read the review? I'm not endorsing being shy or taking a woman too seriously. I'm saying it happens. Big difference, but apparently it's lost on quite a few people.
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